survivor's self compassion (after abuse)

SELF COMPASSION: ONE ASPECT OF SELF CARE AFTER SURVIVING ABUSE

SELF COMPASSION ONE ASPECT OF SELF CARE AFTER SURVIVING ABUSE   Self compassion can be a difficult attribute to acquire or regain after surviving any type of abuse – rape, incest, extreme abuse, ritual abuse, domestic violence, etc. Many times the victim has a difficult time not blaming oneself. The blame and shame survivors feel afterwards can cause a toxic poison to run through their lives. How can a survivor care for oneself with gentleness and compassion when one feels such shame, blame, and a sense of deep unworthiness? Acquiring self compassion is a progression. Through the process of healing (whether via therapy, non-invasive neurofeedback, and/or other methods), survivors gradually shed the shame, the blame, and the sense of worthlessness. I know I did. As I healed, I realized how little self compassion I extended toward myself. The perfection part of me demanded more of myself than I did of anyone else. Would I treat a friend through words or actions like I treated myself? Definitely not. As time passes, I am more able to treat myself with the loving care I know I deserve. I can see how much progress I have made in this area in the last ...

SELF CARE AND CREATING SPACE

SELF CARE AND CREATING SPACE   When is the last time you created an empty, peaceful space for yourself whether physically or in your mind? As human beings living in a consumer society with an overload of media and activity, it is necessary for us to take a break from the action of the world. This break could be filed under self care. I tend to read books and articles of many types. Spiritually, I enjoy reading books with meaning to me including materials of multiple religious and spiritual views. In this blog, I mention a book with a definite Christian slant. Some of you may scoff at the writing style because of this perspective. Others of you will lean towards it because of the religious view of Christianity. For me, although the author addresses her past of child abuse through the Christian lens, Bonnie Gray speaks to survivors’ hearts when she talks of dealing with her past. Her book, “finding spiritual whitespace: awakening your soul to rest” contains some concrete ideas on how to create space and a thought-provoking section on joy. Bonnie Gray did not face the abuse of her past until she was around 40 years old ...

TEARS AND CREATIVITY

TEARS AND CREATIVITY   One day I decided to research tears on the Internet. Tears are a part of my life still; and, I sought more information on the general topic of tears. As I wrote on my blog, http://roadtofreedomandpeace.com/an-unpaved-road/: “Over the years, I have learned to acknowledge tears as a friend of sort. Tears are a release for me. They originate from sadness, tension, and/or joy.” In my researching, I discovered Rose-Lynn Fisher. She is a photographer who took pictures of tears through an optical microscope. It captivated me. I would not have thought of photographing tears. The uniqueness of tears in these pictures reminded me of the uniqueness of snowflakes as well as the uniqueness of each of us as human beings. What a creative idea to photograph tears! Here is Rose-Lynn Fisher’s website link: http://www.rose-lynnfisher.com/tears.html Many of us, myself included, get stuck at times.  Maybe you are in a career field that doesn’t fulfill you anymore. Maybe you are in a relationship that is not healthy for you. Maybe you never really had a career and are stuck being unemployed or in a dead-end job. Maybe you are stuck in a spiritual manner. Creativity. Thinking outside the ...

JUST “BE”

JUST "BE" When is the last time you just let yourself “be”? We live in a culture that judges us on our activity levels, on what we do, and who we are. That “who we are” in our society is usually a career label. The hierarchy of careers is ingrained in most of us from an early age. Economically, we reward persons for their work in certain fields over others. When is the last time you felt valued for just “be-ing” you? How many situations do you experience where what you do for a living is not known, asked, or valued? In some European countries, it is considered rude to ask an acquaintance, “What do you do for a living?” How refreshing it might be to accept others, to know others, for who they are as an individual without career identification. Labels identify us. Sometimes sharing a label such as “survivor” can unite us in community. Sometimes identification tags limit us. We become the label. We forget, or never even realize, how much more we are or can be; or, we never ever met the criterion for the label to start. I am too hard on myself … still. That ...