MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT MUSINGS (Sleeplessness in Action)

Middle of the Night Musings (Sleeplessness in Action)   It is the middle of the night; and, I cannot sleep once again. No matter how far along in our healing journeys or if one has not even formally traveled on a healing journey, almost all of us have to contend with a night of little sleep or a cluster of nights of little sleep. Insomnia can cause us to google remedies, drink herbal tea, ask friends for suggestions, or maybe go it alone pretending we are fine. Do you fall asleep fast and then wake up only to feel cursed by not falling asleep again? Do you lie in bed not falling asleep until finally dreamland begins for you? What do you do? How do you handle your nights when sleep eludes you? Does this lack of sleep cause you to worry you will not function well the next day? Do you lie in bed worrying about the future? Or is it the past that is running through your mind? Are you spending time considering if you could have handled a situation, no matter how small, from the previous day in a better manner? Are you concerned about a child ...

JUST “BE”

JUST "BE" When is the last time you just let yourself “be”? We live in a culture that judges us on our activity levels, on what we do, and who we are. That “who we are” in our society is usually a career label. The hierarchy of careers is ingrained in most of us from an early age. Economically, we reward persons for their work in certain fields over others. When is the last time you felt valued for just “be-ing” you? How many situations do you experience where what you do for a living is not known, asked, or valued? In some European countries, it is considered rude to ask an acquaintance, “What do you do for a living?” How refreshing it might be to accept others, to know others, for who they are as an individual without career identification. Labels identify us. Sometimes sharing a label such as “survivor” can unite us in community. Sometimes identification tags limit us. We become the label. We forget, or never even realize, how much more we are or can be; or, we never ever met the criterion for the label to start. I am too hard on myself … still. That ...

MUSIC

MUSIC & MEMORIES & ADDICTION   “Piano Man” sung by Bill Joel reminds me of my first days of sobriety!! Odd, isn’t it? The song would play in the car as I drove home in Germany. Many times I was driving home from a 12-step meeting. Instead of going to rehab, I chose to attend 90 meetings in 90 days. It worked! Why did that song resonate with me so thoroughly and deeply during those early days of no alcohol? Looking back, I believe I connected with the loneliness of the people in that piano bar. Those people were trying to deaden their collective pain as well as each one’s individual pain.   I never drank more than one drink in a bar alone. My preferred location to drink began at dinner in a restaurant with my daughter and my abusive husband. At the time, I was trying to pretend it was a social drink or two because that is all I would consume in a restaurant. This restaurant dinner was a stalling tactic on my part. Why cook a healthy meal at home if it meant the abuse would begin sooner? Later, I would drink a glass of wine ...