maneuvering bumps and stress on road

HOW to MANEUVER the BUMPS and STRESS on the ROAD OF LIFE

HOW to MANEUVER the BUMPS and STRESS on the ROAD OF LIFE   Sometimes life becomes too demanding. It may be hard to know how to maneuver the bumps and stress on the road of life. Life may include: busy schedules, finding or making time to implement the desired improvements or goals, family obligations, health concerns of others and/or yourself, keeping true to an exercise routine, making time for prayer or meditation, and other variables. It may seem overwhelming. If we do not step back and relax for a moment (or moments), illness may appear. Our bodies know we need to slow down. Sickness may force us to do so. Emotions may fluctuate. The inner balance one has may be strongly challenged daily. How long does it take you to notice the signs of overload and/or stress? As a survivor of abuse and trauma, do you suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)? Do PTSD symptoms reactivate if you do not sleep enough or are too stressed? How do you take care of yourself while handling the demands of life filled with busy-ness and stress? Maybe you have been able to make a life for yourself that is balanced and ...
incest and forgiveness

INCEST and FORGIVENESS

 INCEST AND FORGIVENESS (Generational Abuse)   Incest occurred regularly in my home-of-origin. My grandmother and my mother, separately and together, sexually abused me at a very early age. When I was still young, my grandmother had a stroke. She was moved to Texas to live with my aunt and eventually died. My mother continued the abuse, the incest, for years. My siblings were also part of the incest cycle. Incest and forgiveness is an oxymoron-of-sorts in many human beings’ minds. Incest. It seems to be a dirty word that people do not want to acknowledge let alone face. There are many articles and websites on the subject if you look for information on the topic of incest. An insightful one is written in The Atlantic. (http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2013/01/america-has-an-incest-problem/272459/) Incest. Mother upon daughter and grandmother upon granddaughter incest are even harder for people to grasp. Many doubt a mother could sexually abuse or torture her child. The truth is that this type of abuse happens more than we know. It is Mother’s Day as I write this post. Incest and forgiveness …. How does a person forgive a mother who emotionally and sexually abused him or her? How does a survivor forgive a ...
work

WORK ENVIRONMENT

WORK ENVIRONMENT   How many hours a week do you spend at work? Are those hours spent in a healthy work environment? Do you like your job, but dislike your boss’ management style? Recently, I read an article by Andrew Hudson. It is entitled, “Do You Have a Bully for a Boss?” Below is an excerpt from the article by Andrew Hudson. "Do You Have a Bully for a Boss? While often our ideas of bullies are of the schoolyard kind, actually, bully bosses are more common than you think. Their management style is to establish a blanket of fear, intimidation and terror amongst those they manage. They might be screamers. They may be harassers. They are mean and usually loathe to compliment good work but are quick to find errors and to criticize even the slightest mistake. Bully bosses play favorites and pit their employees against each other to create an unhealthy political environment of unwinnable competition. Bully bosses are quick to threaten their employees about being fired. While making ridiculous demands on their employees and offering no clear direction, the work that is produced is never good enough and they do what they can to dampen any type ...
trusting yourself

TRUSTING YOURSELF

TRUSTING YOURSELF   A lesson I was forced to learn late in life was to trust myself. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (including incest and human trafficking), I was not my own person. I did not have a chance to form healthy boundaries. People owned, used, and abused my little body and continued to do so for years. As for my mind, I had contradictory influences forming my intellect as well as my emotional state. On one hand, I received a good education including decent moral teachings during my high school years. On the other hand, I was given messages of my unworthiness and stupidity on a daily basis from my family and other abusers. Along the way though, I learned enough. My instincts became tuned. A skill I used to survive was repressing the memories of the abuse and becoming numb on many levels (including emotionally). My many years of living with my former husband (perpetrator of abuse, torture and brainwashing) enforced my low self-esteem and self-worth. I was a capable, intelligent woman (although I barely realized it). The few jobs I had proved that point. On many levels, I was average. When my daughter was born, ...
wisdom

WISDOM from THOSE WHO HAVE WALKED THROUGH the PAIN

WISDOM from THOSE WHO HAVE WALKED THROUGH the PAIN   Whom do you turn to for wisdom? If you are a survivor of trauma, do you seek support and wisdom from a therapist, other survivors, family, and friends? Each person offers support, guidance and wisdom in different forms and from their own experiences and education. How important is it to you that the person whom you seek wisdom, guidance, and support has walked through the pain of whatever you are experiencing or have experienced? Christina Rasmussen, a woman who lost her husband at an early age, has strong opinions on this subject. She suffered deep grief. Later, she began a career helping others to deal with grief and to rebuild their lives. What a resource! In her blog post, “My Top Ten Grief Resources” Christina Rasmussen writes: “First of all the only people who have important insights are people who have experienced a similar type of loss in their past.” “You don’t just want people who are going through it but people who have gone through it.” “They have wisdom that will be life changing for you.” “I would absolutely stay away from any resource that is centered only around ...

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, SPOUSAL SEXUAL ABUSE, PARTNER ABUSE, INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE, DATING VIOLENCE

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, SPOUSAL SEXUAL ABUSE, PARTNER ABUSE, INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE, DATING VIOLENCE   Many names exist for abuse against another person in a relationship. These titles include: domestic violence, spousal sexual abuse, partner abuse, intimate partner violence, dating violence, and others. Recently several people have brought domestic violence to my attention. I will use domestic violence (DV) as my main label in this article; but, please know that that covers a wide range of abuses – sexual and not. Domestic violence or partner abuse does not have to contain sexual or physical abuse. It can be emotional, mental, and/or spiritual in nature. Power and control is what the abuser seeks. First, a friend forwarded me to a link of Dear Abby’s. She responds to a woman who writes of sexual abuse in her marriage. http://www.kansascity.com/living/advice-columns/article59319388.html  Marital or spousal rape is a subject that is not frequently addressed. Next, I shared my thoughts on domestic abuse (partner abuse) from my own life with someone in a letter. Below is part of what I wrote: “When I was in the abusive situations – both my home of origin and my marriage – I did not have enough time to clear my head ...
success or failure

SUCCESS or FAILURE?

SUCCESS or FAILURE?   How do you gauge your own success or failure? Do you view situations through a black and white lens? It is somewhat easier to judge success or failure when numbers are involved. Did you reach your goal of losing 10 pounds? Did you sell $1,000 worth of product? Numbers can lend themselves to black/white thinking. Either you succeed number-wise or not. How do you label the situation if you honestly did all you could and the best you could; and, yet, you did not succeed in reaching your goal? What if the outcome of all your hard work and due diligence produces no measurable outcome? Do you view it as a total failure? What are the benefits of failing in this situation? Are there any? Do you try again? Rethink, revamp, and retry? When do you give up and change direction – either partially or totally? How do you make these decisions? Are you a person who is too easy on yourself, in general? Do you find excuses, procrastinate, and not truly give it your all? Are you a person who is too hard on yourself? Do you seek perfection and feel defeated and deflated when ...
inner discoveries by writing

INNER DISCOVERIES through WRITING

INNER DISCOVERIES through WRITING    It is my pleasure to introduce an online workshop I am offering titled, “Inner Discoveries through Writing”. I have been asked to tell my secrets. People wonder how I survived such a horrendous past of abuse and how did I reach the point where I thrive. I believe each of us have the answers within us and our own secrets that bring us to the road of freedom, peace, and joy! One of my “secrets”, if that is even the correct label, is writing. Writing has been one of the most important tools in my healing process. I process thoughts and feelings slowly. Talking in therapy and with friends definitely help; but, writing takes me to a deeper level and brings thoughts and feelings to the surface that I wasn’t consciously aware needed to be addressed at the moment. By participating in a women’s group in the past and by talking to people affected by any type of trauma or life transition, a discovery I made is that many individuals have a need to share their words on paper with others. This has been my personal experience. Journaling is different for me because I have ...
invisible wall of truth

INVISIBLE WALL of TRUTH

INVISIBLE WALL of TRUTH   Have you ever faced the invisible wall of truth? How many times have you stood on the side of the truth of the abuse you suffered when disbelievers stood on the other side? If/when you have faced the past or present of abuse (including domestic violence), how do you handle the denial of a family member who also suffered from the hands and mind of the same perpetrator? How do you explain or accept that a family of origin member knows she herself was abused, but believes you were not abused by the same family member/perpetrator? What is your response when a person (especially a child) says the abuse did not occur after stating and knowing it did? On a possibly less intense level, what is your reaction when you share your past with someone and the person responds with silence, with less or no communication later, or even states they do not believe the abuse occurred? Do you ever wonder how many individuals who respond with disbelief have a background of abuse not yet acknowledged and faced? (Statistics of childhood sexual abuse are alarming. It is extremely under-reported. Many adults do not face the ...
birthdays and beauty bring joy

BIRTHDAYS and BEAUTY: ALLOWING JOY into OUR LIVES as SURVIVORS of TRAUMA and TORTURE

BIRTHDAYS and BEAUTY:  ALLOWING JOY into OUR LIVES as SURVIVORS of TRAUMA and TORTURE   “Birthdays and Beauty: Allowing Joy into our Lives as Survivors of Torture and Trauma” may seem to be an odd combination as a topic for a blog post. Recently as I sat in a coffee shop reconnecting with a coffee shop friend who I see infrequently, the conversation quickly became less superficial. We are both survivors of childhood abuse, including torture. Neither of us speak of it much for healing has occurred. The conversation focused on our lives now and how to allow joy into our lives on a deeper level and a more frequent basis. My birthday is in the month of January. Beginning a new year and celebrating a birthday are both possible causes of reflection. When a new year and a birthday are in close proximity, there can be a double whammy effect! This year in my reflecting, I find myself yearning for more joy and beauty in my life. Frequently when you are raised in an emotionally, physically, and/or sexually abusive household, happiness or joy is not allowed. Punishment may follow moments of happiness. This is also true in homes that ...