gems wisdom

LIVING with CHRONIC COMPLEX PTSD

LIVING with CHRONIC COMPLEX PTSD   Are you living with chronic complex PTSD? Do you feel ashamed because you or others think you should be better by now? Are your expectations of healing realistic for you? Do you think that after x-amount of months or years of therapy, group therapy, self-help books, etc. that your healing should be finished or at least you should feel more healed?! Are you feeling pressured from others to get better or be better or act better? What is in your control? What expectations are realistic for you? It is difficult to suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or any illness or disorder. An illness or disorder that is not visible may provide different challenges. People tend to have more compassion for a person who has visible wounds, a cast, a wheelchair, etc. or who is recovering from a heart attack or stroke or cancer. When I lived in Germany, I was given the opportunity to perform an act of kindness. Someone asked me to give a ride to an elderly couple that I had never met. This small deed led to a friendship of special proportions. Denise and her husband lived in another part …

depression

DEPRESSION, SOCIETY, LIFE …

DEPRESSION, SOCIETY, LIFE …   Depression, society, life … How does society contribute to an individual’s depression? Why are more people in certain countries (such as the United States) treated with anti-depressants in greater numbers than in other countries? Do anti-depressants work? If anti-depressants are effective, for whom do they work? How long are these pills effective? What are other causes for depression? What solutions are there for treating major depression? Can we find creative ways to lessen one’s darkness? Are there societal prescriptions as well as individual ones? Today I am asking questions. As a person who suffers from major depression as well as PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and panic/anxiety, I find the questions worth asking. The answers vary. Recently I read the book titled “Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions” by Johann Hari.  I highly recommend this book. Whether you agree or disagree with Johann Hari, there are ideas in “Lost Connections” worth considering, pondering, and examining.  (For more information on his book, see: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/34921573-lost-connections) Does loneliness enter the picture? What roles do shame and humiliation play in depression? Johann Hari covers these subjects in “Lost Connections”. If you are …

summer

HOW I SPENT MY SUMMER

HOW I SPENT MY SUMMER   How I spent my summer seems to be an appropriate topic for this time of year! Kids, of all ages, are returning to school in many areas of the country. This summer was unusual for me. Circumstances afforded me more free time to not only deal with life issues, but also to spend time on the healing path. I love to read. Books, websites, blogs, and newspapers were all chosen by me. There were days when I found myself reading three books at one time as well as times when no books were in my hands. In this post, I will share some of my favorites as well as a bit of my life during these months. Here are titles of several books which I recommend. “Same Time, Next Week: True Stories of Working Through Mental Illness” --  Lee Gutkind  (The title is self-explanatory. The strength, courage, and the realities of the situations woven throughout the stories make the book worth reading.) “The Broken Girls” – Simone St. James (pure entertainment of a suspense novel with a tad of historical fiction) “The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World” – Dalai Lama ...
PTSD and AGING

PTSD and AGING: THE ROAD CONTINUES

PTSD and AGING: THE ROAD CONTINUES   PTSD and aging is a topic that crossed my mind recently. I have been dealing with more symptoms of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) lately due to a stressful situation. As I struggle with various symptoms of chronic complex PTSD, I wondered if my resiliency was weakened due to my aging.  I am now in my early sixties. There are tools I use to deal with stress as well as with PTSD symptoms. Why is my struggle more intense this time? Of course, there is more than one answer to that question. In my blog post, “Does PTSD Last Forever?”,  I addressed how long PTSD might last. (See: http://roadtofreedomandpeace.com/ptsd-last-forever/ ) Aging though adds complexity to the PTSD situation. PTSD steals my present. It causes me to lose the peace of the present moment. Depression, hypervigilance, panic, anxiety, etc. cloud the clarity of the goodness of life. It can be harder to sit in gratitude and hope. There are three articles I would like to share with you today. “Aging Too Fast, Too Young” points out that traumatic events can lead to aging faster than usual. (https://www.bu.edu/today/2016/ptsd-accelerated-aging/) “The idea that traumatic events can have a ...
genuine love to self

LOVE to SELF!

LOVE to SELF!   Love to self! Today is Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day is not a big celebration day for me. I do like to be in contact with  my daughter, Megan Ellen, on that day and send her my love (as always). Today I happened to be in a local coffee shop. As a Valentine’s Day treat, they offered free food and a station to decorate a mug to give to a loved one for the occasion. As I savored my lunch, I decided to paint a cup for myself. Genuine love of self is a blessing, a gift. It is often difficult for individuals to love ourselves in healthy ways. This hindrance to loving oneself is often too true for survivors of abuse and/or torture. Note to self … I enjoyed using my child-like artistic ability to draw on a white mug with permanent Sharpies. It was fun to be creative. There was a freedom in knowing that the receiver of this simple gift (me!) would not be judgmental or critical. Envelopes and small sheets of paper were available.  “Why not use the paper and envelope?” I thought. I wrote a note to self. What a gift it ...
sacred cycle - gratitude

SACRED CYCLE: a GIFT for SURVIVORS

SACRED CYCLE: a GIFT for SURVIVORS   Sacred Cycle is a non-profit organization started by Heather Russell. This summer and fall of 2017, I had the privilege of participating in Sacred Cycle’s pilot program. What a precious gift! I am smiling as I write. My heart is filled with gratitude. Heather Russell recognizes that abuse and assault survivors often do not stay present in their bodies. She explains this concept in an interview located on this KDNK link: http://kdnk.org/post/nonprofit-palooza-sacred-cycle Participants are given the option to mountain bike, hike, as well as other options to connect with one’s body in the present moment. Therapy during this time helps survivors continue to heal. In the fall, a retreat was held in a beautiful location for the five of us participating in the Sacred Cycle program. Heather and others joined us providing workshops and/or support. We even enjoyed the delightful and delicious food of a chef each day! It was a weekend of gracious giving and receiving. The nurturing aspect was amazing. I had no expectations of the Sacred Cycle retreat. My intention was to keep my heart open. Most likely each one of us – pilot participants and support persons – has ...
homeless and domestic violence

HOMELESS and DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

HOMELESSNESS and DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PERSPECTIVE from a MOM   Once upon a time, my daughter, Megan Ellen, and I stayed in a shelter as we were officially homeless. I, as a protective parent at the time, was coping with life on life’s terms. PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) was part of Megan’s life and mine. The shelter was decent. I was grateful for a place where Megan and I could sleep and be. The staff was compassionate. Yet, it was a hard living situation for us and for others. It was not “home”. Megan and I were staying safe. I was protecting my daughter from the person who abused her – her father. Fortunately, Megan was in school and doing well in spite of her life circumstances. October is the month set aside for domestic violence awareness. Domestic violence (DV) is a huge societal problem. (See:  http://roadtofreedomandpeace.com/domestic-violence-spousal-sexual-abuse-partner-abuse-intimate-partner-violence-dating-violence/ or my other blog posts on the subject.) Many mothers and children experience homelessness after leaving a domestic violence situation. “There is more than one “official” definition of homelessness. Health centers funded by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) use the following: A homeless individual is defined in section 330(h)(5)(A) ...
old songs and healing from grief

OLD SONGS in a NEW LIGHT

OLD SONGS in a NEW LIGHT   Have you ever heard old songs in a new light? I was given the opportunity to attend a small concert given by three gents! It was a thoroughly enjoyable experience. One of the songs performed was James Taylor’s “Your Smiling Face”. I used to like listening to James Taylor. Somewhere along the line, certain music became painful for me to hear. The emotions that arose were not welcomed. It had been years since I listened to James Taylor or any of my old time favorite artists. Here I was at this gathering listening to an old song – a favorite of mine – and I was smiling. Music that was used during the abuse by Tom M. (my former husband and perpetrator) was, of course, triggering. I avoided listening to those songs for a long time. That was understandable. Yet, songs that used to bring me solace or happiness also brought sadness. Many old songs of my high school and college days (or shortly after) reminded me of several long-term, close, and special friendships that were no longer in existence or barely alive. These songs – such as “You’ve Got a Friend” (Carole ...
rediscovering childhood passion

REDISCOVERING a CHILDHOOD PASSION

REDISCOVERING a CHILDHOOD PASSION   Reading was a childhood passion of mine. It was an inexpensive form of entertainment and a way to escape the world of abuse. I read almost any book I could find in my house. As the youngest child in the family, many books were over my head. It did not stop me from reading them! My sister, Linda, belonged to a book club. I enjoyed reading international cookbooks and the classics. Biographies and fiction enthralled me. Years later, I sought out the classics to read them with an adult perspective and understanding. Career counselors and life coaches often ask a client what was his or her childhood passion. What activity did you enjoy as a child? The career counselor or life coach may wonder if a childhood passion might hold a key to a possible career. In my case, reading lends itself to knowledge, insight and enjoyment. I have not found a career of reading! My mother valued reading and education. She was an avid reader who kept a list of all the books she read over the decades. I have many memories of her trying to catch up on a weeks’ worth of newspapers ...
past abuse and health

PAST ABUSE and HEALTH

PAST ABUSE and HEALTH   My mother died two days before reaching the age of 70. Most women on my mother’s side of the family died before the age of 70. Generational abuse ran in my family of origin. Past abuse and health are connected. Studies show that past abuse can affect a survivor’s health years later. The violence, trauma and abuse may have occurred in childhood, adulthood, or both. Alexis Jetter, Jennifer Braunschweiger, Natasha Lunn, Julia Fullerton-Batten wrote an article titled, “A Hidden Cause of Chronic Illness”.  Adult women who have endured and escaped from domestic violence relationships may find themselves dealing with physical issues years later. The article is worth reading and includes the following: “Domestic violence (DV) has an insidiously long half-life. Women who left their abusers five, 10, even 20 years ago and believed they had closed that chapter of their lives now face far higher than normal rates of chronic health problems, including arthritis and hormonal disorders, asthma, diabetes, hypertension, chronic pain, severe headaches and irritable bowel syndrome. As a result, these women spend nearly 20 percent more money on medical care than other women. Annual U.S. medical costs attributable to domestic violence, including years-old ...