A LIFE COACH FOR SURVIVORS OF ABUSE AND/OR TORTURE

A LIFE COACH FOR SURVIVORS OF ABUSE AND/OR TORTURE   Recently I have been asked about my role and practice as a trauma and abuse life coach for survivors of abuse and/or torture. The question behind the question is usually related to therapy. Although I am clear in my writings on my website about the differences between life coaching and therapy, I would like to share a few of my thoughts regarding both therapy and life coaching. Therapy has been an important part of my healing process. Three different therapists played major roles in my healing process … three men with various therapy styles and modalities. Looking back, I can see how each one filled an important niche for me at the time. It amazes me how life or providence or serendipity gives you what you need when you keep your eyes and heart open. The therapy process is insight-oriented and tends to look mostly at a person’s past as well as present and future. Life coaching (or my style of life coaching) tends to look at the present and the future. In the following, I shall give a few examples of when or how people choose to begin life ...

A SALUTE TO PROTECTIVE PARENTS & THE ATTORNEYS THAT REPRESENT THEM

A SALUTE TO PROTECTIVE PARENTS and the ATTORNEYS THAT REPRESENT THEM   Nine years ago this week, I left Germany with my daughter, Megan Mulczynski, in order to protect Megan from her abusive father and others. Megan, at that time, was freely speaking of the abuse that was perpetrated upon her. My story is told in great detail at www.hopeforus.wordpress.com This blog is not only about me though. I want to acknowledge the countless women who become protective parents in order to keep their children safe from abusers (usually the child’s father). People have may preconceived notions of the court systems in the United States as well as internationally. I highly recommend the documentary available on DVD called, “No Way Out But One”. It is the true story of Holly Collins who fled to the Netherlands to protect her children. The DVD is riveting and at times very hard for me to watch. This documentary very clearly and poignantly shows what happens in the family court system in our society. http://www.nowayoutbutone.com/ It is also important to me to commend the attorneys who defend women who are forced into the position of fleeing with their children. Alan Rosenfeld, Attorney-at-Law, represented me ...

GEMS ALONG THE PATH OF TRAUMA, ABUSE, RECOVERY & THRIVING

GEMS ALONG THE PATH OF TRAUMA, ABUSE, RECOVERY & THRIVING (The Personal Meanings of Our Names)   What is your name? Do you like it? Does it suit you? Do you ignore your name? Is your last name the same as one who abused and/or tortured you? Is it your family-of-origin last name? Is it the name of the child abuse perpetrator? Is it your husband’s last name from the domestic violence relationship you escaped from? What does your name signify to you? Are you comfortable with your name? Do you want to change it? What stops you? I have been asked those or similar questions in the recent past. My answers tend to be vague. Although my name is not my essence, I may one day change my last name, Mulczynski. My original name was Gail E. Cannon. I would not revert to Cannon. To take back a last name that some of my child abuse perpetrators carried would bring no peace of mind. The Cannon household was not a healthy or loving place. A new name would need to satisfy me, to suit me now, and to bring a smile to my face! The middle name I was ...

Freedom from Abuse, Torture & Mind Control

FREEDOM FROM ABUSE, TORTURE & MIND CONTROL   The Fourth of July brings thoughts of personal freedom and independence to mind. If you are still captive in an abusive relationship of any kind or not, please continue to read. We all deserve independence, freedom, healthy relationships, self-care, and self-love. Leaving an abusive relationship is difficult in so many respects; yet, it can be accomplished. I still know the date of when my then husband (abuser/torturer) and I separated as well as the date of the last time the abuse, torture, and mind control was perpetrated upon me by him. For me, not being in any relationship containing abuse, torture and/or mind control (and after a healing period) allows me freedom from: Unwanted memories and flashbacks of childhood sexual abuse, incest, and human trafficking A marriage filled with domestic violence, torture, mind control, and deviant religious practices Having to “tell all” or report to my initial childhood abusers and/or to my ex-husband, Tom M. Suicidal brainwashing Now I experience freedom to: Show happiness and joy Sip a cup of tea in utter peace and in safe solitude Think of myself Explore my spirituality Discover who I am on deeper levels Dream Explore ...

JUST “BE”

JUST "BE" When is the last time you just let yourself “be”? We live in a culture that judges us on our activity levels, on what we do, and who we are. That “who we are” in our society is usually a career label. The hierarchy of careers is ingrained in most of us from an early age. Economically, we reward persons for their work in certain fields over others. When is the last time you felt valued for just “be-ing” you? How many situations do you experience where what you do for a living is not known, asked, or valued? In some European countries, it is considered rude to ask an acquaintance, “What do you do for a living?” How refreshing it might be to accept others, to know others, for who they are as an individual without career identification. Labels identify us. Sometimes sharing a label such as “survivor” can unite us in community. Sometimes identification tags limit us. We become the label. We forget, or never even realize, how much more we are or can be; or, we never ever met the criterion for the label to start. I am too hard on myself … still. That ...

WHY DO WE LOVE THE PERPETRATOR? HOW CAN WE LOVE THE ABUSER?

WHY DO WE LOVE THE PERPETRATOR? HOW CAN WE LOVE THE ABUSER? Initially I fell in love with the idea of love – the romantic Prince Charming who rescues me, the modern day abused Cinderella. At the age of 20, Tom M. (also at the age of 20) initially filled the boxes that needed to be checked for me (also at the age of 20): Roses Poetry Gazing into each other’s eyes Wanting to spend all his time with me (a red flag I did not recognize) Dinner and wine And More … Oh, I so wanted to be loved and to love. My family-of-origin could not receive love from me. How can you honestly receive love from an object you abuse and torture? You see, no one wanted my gift of love; and, I was a child filled with the yearning to love and be loved. The quote below intrigues me: “There is yet another illusion, that it is important to be respectable, to be loved and appreciated, to be important. Many say we have a natural urge to be loved and appreciated, to belong. That’s false. Drop this illusion and you will find happiness. We have a natural urge ...