Today I am introducing the idea of a freedom list. I like gratitude lists, as my readers and friends know. Gratitude brings forth a sense of joy or peace especially in time periods when life seems gloomy and despair is near or here. When I was first in a 12-step program, the idea of a gratitude list was introduced to me. It became a yearly habit each October or November to put a blank piece of paper on the refrigerator. My young daughter, Megan, and I would write whatever either one of us was grateful for on any given day. Some items were funny, some poignant, some unusual, as well as the normal things that evoke thanksgiving. After Thanksgiving, I would remove the list. After several years of gratitude lists, it was interesting to reread the recordings of our gratitude. Growth occurred. No matter what was occurring in our lives, there were always many items on the paper. Gratitude existed.
July 4th, Independence Day, always brings to mind my own independence. Thoughts of victims still in domestic violence relationships, incest, or other type of abusive situations weigh heavy on my mind also. My heart goes out to you. If you are still in a situation of trauma and abuse, please do your best to take care of yourself, and to hopefully extricate yourself from the abusive situation. Please seek guidance and help. Your freedom is so very important. Survivors are many and thriving is possible!
My freedom from the perpetrators (abusers), from the actual abuse and torture, and eventually freedom from the damage caused by the trauma has been a journey of healing and hope. Facing the truth has been liberating. Dealing with the PAIN and PROFOUND SADNESS was excruciating at times. I am extremely grateful for the strength within me as well as all the support I received on this road. As I write this, there is peace and joy within me. I survived! I survived the abuse and the difficult healing process! I thrive!
This June, I decided to make a personal freedom list. Every once in a while, I would be prompted from within to add an item or two. It made me smile. I am so much freer than in any other time in my life. Not only am I physically free from the abuse and mind control (brainwashing), but I am spiritually, mentally and emotionally free.
I, as a survivor who thrives and as a life coach, recommend you take a blank piece of paper and post it somewhere. Make sure you see the paper a few times a day. When the mood hits, write your own freedom list. Let it evolve. Do not force thoughts to appear. Keep it available for 30 days or so. Date it. Put it aside. Next year, next June or July, make a new freedom list. Once a year, glance at all the freedom lists you have written. Notice what is similar as well as the difference. Smile.
Today I want to share my first freedom list with you, my readers. The items are not in any order of importance. They came spontaneously and are from my heart.
MY FREEDOM LIST – 2016
I have the freedom:
To be comfortable with my body.
To feel all emotions from rage to joy. Numbness does not reign anymore!
To tell my story, to speak of the abuse and torture, to tell the secrets.
From defending myself and my past.
To not share my story if I choose.
To show my happiness and pleasure knowing I will not be punished for it later.
To sit in peaceful solitude.
From suicidal brainwashing (mind control) thoughts.
To know my own worth as a human being with dignity.
To show compassion and perform acts of kindnesses to others.
To understand I am worth of love and I am lovable!
To know that feeling deep, intense PAIN means I can also feel deep, intense PEACE & JOY.
To state my opinion.
To make mistakes, to admit my mistakes, to learn from my mistakes, and to know I am just another human being who is not perfect.
To be an inspiration to others who may not believe they can endure another moment on this earth due to the PAIN they feel at any given moment in time.
To glance back and see how far I have travelled on this road of freedom and peace.
To know I have earned a place on this earth even though I know none of us need to earn a place on this earth!
To be friends with anyone I choose.
To live where I desire.
To explore various spiritual paths.
To look at myself in the mirror and acknowledge the courage and strength in me, especially the courage to become free of the abuse and face the past.
To acknowledge I would do it all over again – protecting my daughter, Megan Mulczynski, for as long as I could and the best I could.
To love myself compassionately.
To see the beauty in my face.
To know I did my best, especially as a protective parent even though the outcome was not beneficial to Megan nor I after we were discovered.
To sit in the sun with a deep sense of peace to witness life of all forms (human, animal) and see life’s preciousness.
To realize material goods (though necessary in our world) are so unimportant in the scheme of life.
To savor moments of conversations with friends and others knowing life is not permanent.
To acknowledge my faults without shame.
To write from my heart!
To give and receive hugs (when I choose).
To glance into someone’s eyes and, at times, sense a connection on a spiritual level.
To accept life as it was and as it is.
To cry … to shed all the tears that need to be released.
To open my heart for Love and Light!
To share my story with those who benefit from the telling.
To be silent.
To not judge.
To let go of more and more pain.
To be at peace with myself and who I am.
To stand tall with integrity and authenticity.
To swing in the park with child-like joy.
To experience profound gratitude.
To love more freely and easily.
To live life with less fear and apprehension.
To open myself to life’s experiences.
To more frequently be fully present in the moment. What a joy!
To sit in solitude with a contented heart!!
© 2016, Gail Mulczynski