INVISIBLE WALL of TRUTH
Have you ever faced the invisible wall of truth? How many times have you stood on the side of the truth of the abuse you suffered when disbelievers stood on the other side? If/when you have faced the past or present of abuse (including domestic violence), how do you handle the denial of a family member who also suffered from the hands and mind of the same perpetrator? How do you explain or accept that a family of origin member knows she herself was abused, but believes you were not abused by the same family member/perpetrator? What is your response when a person (especially a child) says the abuse did not occur after stating and knowing it did?
On a possibly less intense level, what is your reaction when you share your past with someone and the person responds with silence, with less or no communication later, or even states they do not believe the abuse occurred? Do you ever wonder how many individuals who respond with disbelief have a background of abuse not yet acknowledged and faced?
(Statistics of childhood sexual abuse are alarming. It is extremely under-reported. Many adults do not face the truth of the abuse that occurred in childhood until they are in their 30’s or 40’s. To get an overview of this subject, read the WINGS Foundation’s white paper dated November, 2015. http://www.wingsfound.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/WINGS-White-Paper-2015FINALFINAL.st_.pdf )
I have experienced all of the above scenarios. It hurts. The PAIN can be deep and intense. There are stages I went through over the years to heal. These stages are not inclusive and not in order. The stages include:
- Facing my own past of childhood sexual abuse, human trafficking, clergy abuse, domestic violence, extreme abuse (ritual abuse), mind control and torture.
- Wondering how the abuse and suffering could have occurred. Even shortly questioning if it really happened (at the very beginning of my healing journey).
- Acceptance of my past of abuse and the reality of my situation.
- Working to heal and to become free – including leaving my former husband/perpetrator and becoming a protective parent to keep my daughter safe. Unfortunately the courts, psych experts, and institutions did not provide safety for my daughter, Megan.
- Dealing with the reactions of others. Feeling a need for others to believe me.
- Dealing with intense feelings which included frustration and anger. Some people including “experts” may find it easier to believe the abuse did not occur and decide victims/survivors are mentally ill. The mentally ill diagnosis occurs more frequently than people realize – especially if there are multiple perpetrators and/or extreme abuse (ritual abuse, mind control and/or torture).
- Self care and self compassion. It is essential to treat yourself with tender, loving care. Self care and self compassion are needed throughout one’s life and especially during the healing journey.
- Not needing anyone to believe me. I am firm and secure in the truth of my past. The abuse, trauma, and pain occurred; and, it did not destroy me.
- Realization of where the disbelievers are or may be on their own paths. Compassion toward disbelievers. Realizing they have their own limitations, fears, capacities, and strengths.
- A sense of inner peace appears, stays for longer periods of time and is deeper.
- Desire to help people. One of the best ways to help others is to live a life that contains freedom, peace, joy, and love. Just truly live! Other methods of support may include telling your story to help others heal, to educate so that survivors are believed in the future and to prevent abuse from occurring to others. Be compassionate and patient with those who are not ready to face the abuse they suffered in the past. Keep the doors and windows of communication open when possible (and when it is not damaging to you or others). Share the joy, freedom, peace, and love you feel in small and big ways to one and all!
- LOVE – Love seeps through the cracks of the invisible wall of truth. Love also floats over the invisible wall of truth like clouds moving across the sky, sometimes rushing and sometimes moving gently. Divine love, I believe, surrounds us on all sides of the invisible wall of truth. In time, love will triumph. The invisible wall of the truth of the abuse will be lowered and unity will occur.
LOVE EXISTS AND LOVE ALWAYS TRIUMPHS!
As a person who has experienced a multitude of reactions from human beings to my life story and has reached a point of peace (even though pain still lingers), I, as your life coach, can walk with you as you face similar situations and reactions. I have the skills! My tools were accumulated from being a survivor myself, past therapy, reading, prayer, meditation, communication with others, and live experiences. It would be my pleasure to share my skills with you and an honor to witness your gathering and usage of your own unique skills!
Call me! E-mail me!
As always, take gentle care of yourself!