TEARS AND CREATIVITY

TEARS AND CREATIVITY   One day I decided to research tears on the Internet. Tears are a part of my life still; and, I sought more information on the general topic of tears. As I wrote on my blog, http://roadtofreedomandpeace.com/an-unpaved-road/: “Over the years, I have learned to acknowledge tears as a friend of sort. Tears are a release for me. They originate from sadness, tension, and/or joy.” In my researching, I discovered Rose-Lynn Fisher. She is a photographer who took pictures of tears through an optical microscope. It captivated me. I would not have thought of photographing tears. The uniqueness of tears in these pictures reminded me of the uniqueness of snowflakes as well as the uniqueness of each of us as human beings. What a creative idea to photograph tears! Here is Rose-Lynn Fisher’s website link: http://www.rose-lynnfisher.com/tears.html Many of us, myself included, get stuck at times.  Maybe you are in a career field that doesn’t fulfill you anymore. Maybe you are in a relationship that is not healthy for you. Maybe you never really had a career and are stuck being unemployed or in a dead-end job. Maybe you are stuck in a spiritual manner. Creativity. Thinking outside the ...

FORGIVING MY MOTHER FOR INCEST AND ALL THE ABUSE

FORGIVING MY MOTHER FOR INCEST AND ALL THE ABUSE   Forgiveness is a highly charged word for many of us. Incest is a word that many people want to ignore and avoid. Incest – a dirty, secret, taboo that seldom occurs is what too many humans want to believe. Putting forgiveness and incest in the same sentence can cause a collective gasp. It also may cause some of you to stop reading. Please don’t! Somewhere along my healing journey, I forgave my mother, Mary Ellen, my mom. This forgiveness was not a one-shot deal. I forgave her, got angry again, delved further into the wounds and the hurt, let time pass; somehow forgave her again ….. It was a cycle of healing and forgiveness. Each time the forgiveness became stronger and sturdier as the wounds healed further and the hurt dissipated. Oh, the pain and the hurt are not totally eradicated – not do I expect them to be. As an online life coach for incest survivors as well as other abuse and trauma survivors, I have no expectations or opinion that a client or a survivor needs to forgive anyone. It makes sense that each individual looks inside oneself ...

A LIFE COACH FOR SURVIVORS OF ABUSE AND/OR TORTURE

A LIFE COACH FOR SURVIVORS OF ABUSE AND/OR TORTURE   Recently I have been asked about my role and practice as a trauma and abuse life coach for survivors of abuse and/or torture. The question behind the question is usually related to therapy. Although I am clear in my writings on my website about the differences between life coaching and therapy, I would like to share a few of my thoughts regarding both therapy and life coaching. Therapy has been an important part of my healing process. Three different therapists played major roles in my healing process … three men with various therapy styles and modalities. Looking back, I can see how each one filled an important niche for me at the time. It amazes me how life or providence or serendipity gives you what you need when you keep your eyes and heart open. The therapy process is insight-oriented and tends to look mostly at a person’s past as well as present and future. Life coaching (or my style of life coaching) tends to look at the present and the future. In the following, I shall give a few examples of when or how people choose to begin life ...

A SALUTE TO PROTECTIVE PARENTS & THE ATTORNEYS THAT REPRESENT THEM

A SALUTE TO PROTECTIVE PARENTS and the ATTORNEYS THAT REPRESENT THEM   Nine years ago this week, I left Germany with my daughter, Megan Mulczynski, in order to protect Megan from her abusive father and others. Megan, at that time, was freely speaking of the abuse that was perpetrated upon her. My story is told in great detail at www.hopeforus.wordpress.com This blog is not only about me though. I want to acknowledge the countless women who become protective parents in order to keep their children safe from abusers (usually the child’s father). People have may preconceived notions of the court systems in the United States as well as internationally. I highly recommend the documentary available on DVD called, “No Way Out But One”. It is the true story of Holly Collins who fled to the Netherlands to protect her children. The DVD is riveting and at times very hard for me to watch. This documentary very clearly and poignantly shows what happens in the family court system in our society. http://www.nowayoutbutone.com/ It is also important to me to commend the attorneys who defend women who are forced into the position of fleeing with their children. Alan Rosenfeld, Attorney-at-Law, represented me ...

GEMS ALONG THE PATH OF TRAUMA, ABUSE, RECOVERY & THRIVING

GEMS ALONG THE PATH OF TRAUMA, ABUSE, RECOVERY & THRIVING (The Personal Meanings of Our Names)   What is your name? Do you like it? Does it suit you? Do you ignore your name? Is your last name the same as one who abused and/or tortured you? Is it your family-of-origin last name? Is it the name of the child abuse perpetrator? Is it your husband’s last name from the domestic violence relationship you escaped from? What does your name signify to you? Are you comfortable with your name? Do you want to change it? What stops you? I have been asked those or similar questions in the recent past. My answers tend to be vague. Although my name is not my essence, I may one day change my last name, Mulczynski. My original name was Gail E. Cannon. I would not revert to Cannon. To take back a last name that some of my child abuse perpetrators carried would bring no peace of mind. The Cannon household was not a healthy or loving place. A new name would need to satisfy me, to suit me now, and to bring a smile to my face! The middle name I was ...

Freedom from Abuse, Torture & Mind Control

FREEDOM FROM ABUSE, TORTURE & MIND CONTROL   The Fourth of July brings thoughts of personal freedom and independence to mind. If you are still captive in an abusive relationship of any kind or not, please continue to read. We all deserve independence, freedom, healthy relationships, self-care, and self-love. Leaving an abusive relationship is difficult in so many respects; yet, it can be accomplished. I still know the date of when my then husband (abuser/torturer) and I separated as well as the date of the last time the abuse, torture, and mind control was perpetrated upon me by him. For me, not being in any relationship containing abuse, torture and/or mind control (and after a healing period) allows me freedom from: Unwanted memories and flashbacks of childhood sexual abuse, incest, and human trafficking A marriage filled with domestic violence, torture, mind control, and deviant religious practices Having to “tell all” or report to my initial childhood abusers and/or to my ex-husband, Tom M. Suicidal brainwashing Now I experience freedom to: Show happiness and joy Sip a cup of tea in utter peace and in safe solitude Think of myself Explore my spirituality Discover who I am on deeper levels Dream Explore ...

MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT MUSINGS (Sleeplessness in Action)

Middle of the Night Musings (Sleeplessness in Action)   It is the middle of the night; and, I cannot sleep once again. No matter how far along in our healing journeys or if one has not even formally traveled on a healing journey, almost all of us have to contend with a night of little sleep or a cluster of nights of little sleep. Insomnia can cause us to google remedies, drink herbal tea, ask friends for suggestions, or maybe go it alone pretending we are fine. Do you fall asleep fast and then wake up only to feel cursed by not falling asleep again? Do you lie in bed not falling asleep until finally dreamland begins for you? What do you do? How do you handle your nights when sleep eludes you? Does this lack of sleep cause you to worry you will not function well the next day? Do you lie in bed worrying about the future? Or is it the past that is running through your mind? Are you spending time considering if you could have handled a situation, no matter how small, from the previous day in a better manner? Are you concerned about a child ...

JUST “BE”

JUST "BE" When is the last time you just let yourself “be”? We live in a culture that judges us on our activity levels, on what we do, and who we are. That “who we are” in our society is usually a career label. The hierarchy of careers is ingrained in most of us from an early age. Economically, we reward persons for their work in certain fields over others. When is the last time you felt valued for just “be-ing” you? How many situations do you experience where what you do for a living is not known, asked, or valued? In some European countries, it is considered rude to ask an acquaintance, “What do you do for a living?” How refreshing it might be to accept others, to know others, for who they are as an individual without career identification. Labels identify us. Sometimes sharing a label such as “survivor” can unite us in community. Sometimes identification tags limit us. We become the label. We forget, or never even realize, how much more we are or can be; or, we never ever met the criterion for the label to start. I am too hard on myself … still. That ...

WHY DO WE LOVE THE PERPETRATOR? HOW CAN WE LOVE THE ABUSER?

WHY DO WE LOVE THE PERPETRATOR? HOW CAN WE LOVE THE ABUSER? Initially I fell in love with the idea of love – the romantic Prince Charming who rescues me, the modern day abused Cinderella. At the age of 20, Tom M. (also at the age of 20) initially filled the boxes that needed to be checked for me (also at the age of 20): Roses Poetry Gazing into each other’s eyes Wanting to spend all his time with me (a red flag I did not recognize) Dinner and wine And More … Oh, I so wanted to be loved and to love. My family-of-origin could not receive love from me. How can you honestly receive love from an object you abuse and torture? You see, no one wanted my gift of love; and, I was a child filled with the yearning to love and be loved. The quote below intrigues me: “There is yet another illusion, that it is important to be respectable, to be loved and appreciated, to be important. Many say we have a natural urge to be loved and appreciated, to belong. That’s false. Drop this illusion and you will find happiness. We have a natural urge ...

MUSIC

MUSIC & MEMORIES & ADDICTION   “Piano Man” sung by Bill Joel reminds me of my first days of sobriety!! Odd, isn’t it? The song would play in the car as I drove home in Germany. Many times I was driving home from a 12-step meeting. Instead of going to rehab, I chose to attend 90 meetings in 90 days. It worked! Why did that song resonate with me so thoroughly and deeply during those early days of no alcohol? Looking back, I believe I connected with the loneliness of the people in that piano bar. Those people were trying to deaden their collective pain as well as each one’s individual pain.   I never drank more than one drink in a bar alone. My preferred location to drink began at dinner in a restaurant with my daughter and my abusive husband. At the time, I was trying to pretend it was a social drink or two because that is all I would consume in a restaurant. This restaurant dinner was a stalling tactic on my part. Why cook a healthy meal at home if it meant the abuse would begin sooner? Later, I would drink a glass of wine ...