SURVIVORS OF ABUSE, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND/OR EXTREME ABUSE:
DO YOU SEEK CHAOS OR PEACE?
Ever wonder if you seek chaos unconsciously? Did you grow up in a chaotic household? Were you a child in a home filled with domestic violence? Were you the adult in such a household (or are you now in a domestic violence situation)? Was physical and/or sexual childhood abuse part of your disruptive household? Did you suffer extreme abuse, ritual abuse, and/or torture as a child and/or as an adult?
Did you adapt? Did you learn to deal “well” with chaos? Is it what you became accustomed to as a child and/or as an adult?
Do you find yourself in a job that is high-paced and contains a sense of urgency? It does not need to be an emergency room-type job. Barista jobs can contain an element of urgency as well as can other types of employment. If you enjoy a fast-paced, multi-tasking job and excel at it, there is no problem. If you suddenly realize that you are exhausted and burnt out from the fast-paced environment with its element of chaos, what do you do? What choices do you have? Do you want to change your circumstances?
As Steve Jobs said,
“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.”
A website that a friend shared with me is called, “The Human Workplace”. I value the idea … and the title is self-explanatory. Have you ever truly thought about what type of workplace you desire and where you could thrive? Here is the link for “The Human Workplace” website:
The website contains food for thought.
In most areas of my life, I handle crisis and chaos when I am in it usually with calmness. There is a limit, of course. Once, years ago, a trusted person told me that I liked chaos. Those words stayed with me. That comment led me to an awareness of upheaval or chaos in my life. My body, mind and spirit pay a price for chaotic environments as well as for crisis. I feel the consequences after the crisis or pandemonium. It is not good for me. Whether it is age, wisdom, or being further along on my healing and spiritual path, I realize that I now seek peaceful environments in all aspects of my life.
Are your relationships with a significant other, friends, relatives, and coworkers calm? There is less choice with family members; and, there are healthy ways to deal with messy family situations. Do you find yourself in friendships with others who like drama? Does drama appeal to you? Are you aware of how and why you choose your friends?
Peaceful environments and relationships do not need to equate with boredom and depression. For me, too much inactivity (physically, mentally, emotionally, and/or spiritually) can lead to depression and despair. Activity, though, does not need to be out of the realm of peaceful and even joyful.
Life contains enough stress, crisis, and periods of instability without adding any additional help from me! For years now, I have known that the best decisions are usually made in a calm, peaceful, (even spiritual), moment or moments. I have witnessed others act without that serenity and thoughtfulness with dire consequences. There are many times when a person must act without forethought. If someone is able to silence one’s mind on a regular basis, decent decisions may be made quickly when necessary.
Let us consider a person who is physically active on a regular basis and one day is unexpectedly faced with a bigger physical challenge. That person’s body is prepared. He or she is then able to use his or her physical strength without thought. A person who regularly practices yoga, meditation, centering prayer, or other methods to clear one’s mind and to regain focus on what is near and dear to one’s heart and soul is more able to act and react better when a crisis hits and decisions are needed immediately.
Silence – solitude – alone with nature, the Universe, Spirit, God, Higher Power – that is what helps me to center myself.
I love people! I like connecting with others. To listen to others and to share with others is fulfilling and necessary. We are interdependent as human beings.
I must though come back to myself – to enjoy my own company – to listen to the inner voice within myself.
What do you want in your life? Do you seek chaos? Do you like it? Is it what is normal for you?
It is common for drug addicts or alcoholics to worry that life will be boring without the drug of choice. Do you seek peace and calmness, yet find yourself once again in a chaotic job or a relationship with abuse or drama or just chaos? What are your fears? What are you unwilling to let go of? Sometimes you do not need to analyze the reasons why. There are times that awareness of a struggle or awareness of a situation not being what you desire is enough to begin the process of changing it.
As an abuse survivor life coach, I can support you through the transition. You decide what you want. We can travel the path together as you reach your destination.
Life is meant to hold joy and peace and freedom for each one of us! That is my wish for you.
Take a moment this week … take a deep breath or two or three …
Feel the peace within you.
Sense the joy.
Enjoy your freedom!
P.S. If you are in an abusive relationship presently, please reach out for help and support. You are worthy of freedom, peace, and joy.