single life after domestic violence or abuse or torture

SINGLE LIFE as a SURVIVOR of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE and OTHER FORMS of ABUSE or TORTURE

SINGLE LIFE as a SURVIVOR of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE and OTHER FORMS of ABUSE or TORTURE   Are you now living the single life as a survivor of domestic violence and/or other forms of abuse or torture? How do you view the single life? Are you afraid to enter into a romantic, loving relationship with someone? Are you jumping from one romantic relationship to another (even though these relationships are not healthy ones for you)? Are you afraid to be alone? What are your fears? This topic was brought to mind because of the deep loneliness I feel at times. A friend and spiritual mentor sent me a few quotations on loneliness in response to an e-mail I sent her. These quotations were: “Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.” – Maya Angelou “The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone.” – Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven “There is the solitude of suffering, when you go through darkness that is lonely, intense, and terrible. Words become powerless to express your pain; what others hear from your words is so ...

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND CHILDHOOD ABUSE CONSEQUENCES

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND CHILDHOOD ABUSE CONSEQUENCES LOYALTY OR STUCK IN RELATIONSHIP AND/OR IN LIFE?   As a survivor of domestic violence and childhood sexual abuse, and as a life coach, I understand that certain traits I have were most likely caused by the abusive situations and perpetrators. Two of these traits are loyalty (often misplaced) and an unwillingness to take risks (even calculated ones) due to inertia. Even after leaving the violent situations with the perpetrators, this inertia or immobilization kept me in other situations longer than was beneficial for me. Articles and books have been written about these subjects. Judith Herman’s book, “Trauma and Recovery: The aftermath of violence – from domestic abuse to political terror” is a classic; and, I highly recommend it. Bessel A. van der Kolk in “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma” covers many of the issues with attachment as well as loyalty to the abuser. He writes on page 133, “Children are also programmed to be fundamentally loyal to their caretakers, even if they are abused by them. Terror increases the need for attachment, even if the source of comfort is also the source of terror.” ...

A LIFE COACH FOR SURVIVORS OF ABUSE AND/OR TORTURE

A LIFE COACH FOR SURVIVORS OF ABUSE AND/OR TORTURE   Recently I have been asked about my role and practice as a trauma and abuse life coach for survivors of abuse and/or torture. The question behind the question is usually related to therapy. Although I am clear in my writings on my website about the differences between life coaching and therapy, I would like to share a few of my thoughts regarding both therapy and life coaching. Therapy has been an important part of my healing process. Three different therapists played major roles in my healing process … three men with various therapy styles and modalities. Looking back, I can see how each one filled an important niche for me at the time. It amazes me how life or providence or serendipity gives you what you need when you keep your eyes and heart open. The therapy process is insight-oriented and tends to look mostly at a person’s past as well as present and future. Life coaching (or my style of life coaching) tends to look at the present and the future. In the following, I shall give a few examples of when or how people choose to begin life ...